Broken Heart

Dear Kaitlyn,

I've never done this before...written to anyone for help..but I'm very desperate now and would appreciate any advice you can give. My boyfriend (well, ex now) and I dated for 6 years. It was a serious relationship...we never did the "on and off" deal...we were together the entire time. We have been very close for a very long time. We were childhood friends and it grew into a great relationship. We got along great and have so many things in common. I have never met a person like him before. We talked about marriage and kids...the whole deal. Well, about 2 weeks before we broke up he started getting very weird. Acting suspicious, telling me that we weren't going to work out. I was so devestated. I never saw this coming. I begged him for those 2 weeks to talk to me and tell me what was going on so we could work it out. We had never had that serious of problems and to me, a 6 year relationship isn't something you just give up. Well, at the end of those 2 weeks, i found a secret phone. He had bought a secret cell phone and had been talking to a girl he met. I couldn't believe it and could never explain the pain I felt (and still do feel.) This happened almost 3 months ago now. We have kept in touch because even though he did that....i can NOT get myself to get over him. I dont know if its crazy and if most people do this, but I truly feel like we are meant to be. Like we are supposed to be together and no matter what relationships will have problems and I want those problems to be with him and no one else. The first couple weeks after the break up, he was so mean to me. He was openly hanging out with this new girl and her friends and it killed me. He has NEVER been a social person and all the sudden he was a whole new guy. Well, that ended after about a month. He stopped hanging out with this girl and her friends...i have no idea what exactly happened becuz he won't tell me, but i have a pretty much 100% sure way of knowing he hasn't been hanging out with her although I do believe he still texts with her sometimes. Well he keeps telling me he never wants me to be gone from his life. He says that he still loves me and he does miss me but we just aren't right for each other. Well this is heartbreaking for me because I believe we are meant to be together. We kind of hung out as friends and its not even awkward. we still have fun and yeah, there's a few emotional moments but we were doing pretty good. He did keep telling me though that he does not want to be with me because as of right now it would just be too hard and he just wants to do stuff for himself now. Everyone in my family keeps telling me he's playing games with me and i need to move on but this is what i need help with. i have no idea how to move on. My first problem: I can't get myself to WANT to truly move on. I'm scared that if i try to not have contact with him, i will lose him forever and I don't want that. He has anger issues (gets mad easy) and he is a person who TRULY closes off his emotions and i'm scared he will do that and just move on from me. My next issue: everyone i ask and everywhere i look...i'm told to go out and hang out with friends. ok....well here's the thing, i gave up everything for him. including friends. it sounds absolutely pathetic, i know. But i have no friends. It was only me and him and we were happy with that. I live in a very small town..we don't even have a mall really...i mean there is nothing to go do and i don't know how i'm supposed to try and meet new people when i'm such a mess and have no idea how to go about it. So i sit at home and i cry. Meanwhile, he seems happy being "free" as he calls it. He goes out all the time and goes shopping and all that. He's always been very independent. I just do not know how to start moving on. All i want is him! all i think about all day is him! When i try not to talk to him, i give in ALL the time. But now i'm really realizing he has been only focusing on anything negative that ever happened and its making me feel terrible. For 6 years we were so happy and had so many great memories, yet for some reason he is choosing to block everything out and focus on things that bug him. For example, today he was participating in Relay for Life. i asked him why he never wanted to do that when we were dating and he said "well, you were boring." Um...OUCH?! I couldn't believe he said that. I was ALWAYS trying to come up with things for us to do. I LOVE going and doing things. Why is he saying stuff like that to me? He acts like he has completely hated everything about our relationship. I can't stand it. this is not the guy I dated for 6 years. He was so good to me and he loved me so much...so what in the world has happened? I have a girl I used to kinda be friends with that I've talked to about all this and she keeps telling me that if i feel its meant to be that i should hang on. She says that sometimes in long lasting relationships one person gets scared or wants to see what else is out there, but she says they will come back. can that possibly be true in this situation? I'm sorry this is long, i'm trying to give a good background so i can get the best help possible. Oh and i guess one last thing I should say is ever since we broke up..he truly just does whatever he wants when he wants such as when i try to text him or call him. sometimes he wont answer for hours or at all. When i ask him why he just says stuff like " i didn't feel like talking" but then there's been times where randomly he sends me messages that truly seem sincere saying stuff like "i miss you terribly" and "sometimes i wish we could just start over." I'm having major issues. Feel very depressed and i have lost 20lbs. I need to know if you truly believe I should move on and if so, PLEASE tell me HOW i can. If i have no friends and my family is mad at me for still being upset about this...what do i do? Your advice means a lot to me. thank you so much for taking the time to read and answer me.
Sincerely,


Dear Broken Heart,
You seem very upset about this all. Its time to move on. I feel like you should go out and do something for yourself. Whether its taking a walk or just smelling the flowers. Taking time for your self is relaxing and a great way to release any unwanted stress. You should open your self out a little more. He is not the only boy out there, and he is not worth the tears. You have plenty of friends. They probably are just getting upset about being around this negative environment you are setting out. Your family loves you and will always be there for you. I really hope I helped you out. 

Love Always,
Kaitlyn
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