I want to be his friend.

Dear Kaitlyn,   There is this guy that goes to my tutoring thing and I have no idea how to strike up a conversation with him- it's really awkward because its so quiet and everyone is working and stuff. Last term he had a friend who I sort of made friends with. He used to look at me and talk to me heaps, but his friend (the one in my class now) never even once looked at me or tried talking to me. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm dumb (which I'm not) and that's putting him off. I'm not interested in him, I just think it would be nice if we could be friends, and I have no idea how to start talking to him without weirding him out- I can't tell if hes snobby or shy (but he seems really outgoing when talking to the teacher), but he has never once looked at me and when I walk in or say stuff he always acts like I'm not there (I'm not trying to get his attention, but you know how if someone walks in or says stuff you usually turn around to see who it is/who's talking etc). now I think about it, he hasn't talked to anyone except the teacher and his friend that used to be in our class.  I just don't know what to say to him without it sounding weird. I don't know anything about him apart from the fact he plays football. And because its so quiet if you start talking to someone pretty much everyone else in the room starts listening and its like theyre going ooooh someones talking what are they talking about oooh lets listen. I'm also pretty sure I've come off as quite a grumpy person, because whenever I'm there I never want to be there (its like extra school, but more like extension stuff). How can I 'redeem' myself?   I guess I'm worried he'll give me one word answer or not want to talk, but I suppose then it doesn't matter- I'd be the one making the effort and it doesn't bother me if he's not interested, because I'm not. But I still think it would be cool if we were friends...   Thankyou, anonymous. Dear anonymous, I think that what you should do is maybe one day you could say "Hey, do you think you could help me with this problem?" and from there on out just kinda talk to him, because starting with something little can break tension. When you start talking to him you could say "Hey, weren't you friends with _____?" When he replies, you can say " Oh thats cool, I use to be friends with him too!"

will I miss her!?

Dear Kaitlyn,

I have been with my girlfriend for over two years now. She is my first love and my first long term relationship. I will always lover her because of this and she will always have a special place in my heart. This is the problem though:

I think I am losing my feelings for her. For a couple months now I just haven't been feeling it. We still have our moments and things but I just don't feel as happy with her as I have before. Things have gotten a lot worse in the past 2 weeks. I get impatient with her and find myself agitated and frustrated. I don't really miss her anymore and I don't care much to even talk to her. I just don;t feel very interested anymore. I find myself unusually attracted to other girls when before I didn't care a bit about other girls. I also have an urge to flirt with other girls and that's not normal for me either. Is this just a phase in the relationship? Am I losing my feelings for her? Should I break up with her before I lose my feelings forever in hopes of getting back with her in the future?

Extra details: I am extremely picky when it comes to girls. I am a very religious Christian so I won't be with a girl if she drinks, smokes, does drugs, or has ever had sex. My girlfriend has all of this and shes extremely beautiful so is it worth the chance of losing her? She is good to me and cares for me deeply so it's not like she's done something wrong to cause this. If you need anymore details just let me know. Thanks!

Dear anonymous, 

First loves are always a big effect on your relationship now, and your relationships in the future! Because you have been with her for so long, you are problem in a mixed feeling. I think what you are feeling is you still honestly feel for her, but your staring to lose it a bit. When in a relationship, after a while your going to feel like you are loosing the feelings you have had since the beginning, because you have had it so long. You probley wonder what it would be like to have a new feeling, but when it comes to loving someone you are going to know it. There is going to be a feeling you just won't ever feel with anyone else. It's a feeling that every time you see her, your going to feel like the luckiest man alive. So if you don't have a REALLY special feeling when you look at her, maybe your loosing the feelings. You probley want to believe it is there, but maybe it is not. I am so sorry. 

Dear Kaitlyn, 

What should I do about this? I'm starting to accept that I'm losing feelings for her but what should I do? Would it be worth taking the chance to break up with her before I lose my feelings forever in hopes of getting back together with her in the future? Or do you think I have lost them for good? I really need some advice on what to do.. I don't want to screw a good thing up.

Dear anonymous,

I think you should honestly keep the relationship, because unless you meet someone who meets your standards and you get the same feeling with, why lose someone you have feelings for. But once you know there is NO feeling at all break it off because you don't want to lead her on because you are not sure. 

Dear Kaitlyn, 

Well... I met a girl at the beach a couple of days ago. She met my standards and I really clicked with her. It's not like there could ever be anything between me and that girl because she lives so far away.. but I did get a great feeling when I was hanging out with her. I don't know what this means or even if it means anything at all.

I'm afraid if I get to the point where there is NO feeling I might not ever get it back.. Is there a possibility that I get my feelings back for her? I don't know if I am already to this point to where I have No feelings anymore or not. I don't know if I have feelings anymore because if I were to break up with her I don't think it would bother me that much.. I would miss her for a while because I am so used to her being in my life almost every day and that's about it. The only reason I would hurt over it is because I hate to see her with a broken heart.

Dear anonymous,

Okay, I am starting to think you want to end the relationship as well. Because you said it wouldn't hurt that you would break up, you would just miss her. I think it's time you let her go. Just let her know " -her name-, you where my first love, I will always have feelings for you. Just lately I feel like I am not as attracted to you. I would love to still have you in my life as a friend. I am sorry but l think its time to end this."

Boyfriend....and his friends

Dear Kaitlyn,

  Soo, my boyfriends friend.. He is a jerk. He is telling me to give my boyfriend a handjob. And all of this stuff but thats not me, Im not like that. And my boyfriend knows that and he respects me for that and likes because of that. But when his friend was begging me basicly to do it, i was confused and i don't know what to do. I'm 13 by the way and my boyfriend said he doesn't want that but he jokes around about that stuff and he has told me he thinks we're to young and doesn't want that for a very long time, But his friend telling me this stuff has gotten me thinking "does my boyfriend want this? i mean its his friend" but his friends 15 and they aren't close. My boyfriend thinks that stuff is gross and i just i hope he loves me for me and doesn't want that stuff... He told me today he loved me for me and that i was funny and all this sweet stuff. And his skanky friends(he has other better friends those kids were just with us when we hungout because they live near the spot we hangout at) and they call me square and stuff because i won't do that stuff. And he joked around about that.. And called me square but he said he was just kidding.. and tonight he made a joke about a me giving him a handjob anytime soon and then his friend started talking to me about it, which is why i have been thinking.. And I love him but if he wants that from me then i'm not going to stay with him, i don't know what to do, im scared.. Also, he apoligized to me tonight about his so called friends calling me square.. Just im not sure what i should do...

                     

                                                                                    Sincerly,

                                                                                           Hopeless and Confused 

Dear Hopeless and Confused,

Oh guys these days are very strange. I am 19 and when I was your age, my friend Dylan told me he doesn't want that stuff now, he said we are young like that is just weird, but Dylan still joked around with his friends and about it because well no guy wants a bad rep. I think your boyfriend is like Dylan in a way. I think you should stay with him, because he is respecting your choice, he has not asked yet, and probley wont anytime soon, with the way it seems. As far as his friends, there going to mess with you, and unfortantly in middle school, guys are immature. Try messing around back, but don't say you will do something you won't because then you might scare your boyfriend!

kaitlyn♥

Why is my boyfriend acting different and acting like he does not care?

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and when our relationship started he actually acted like he cared and wanted to have sex. Now we rarely ever have sex and his excuse is that he is too tired. I know he is not cheating because we are together all the time. Also it seems as if he does not want to hang out as often as we use too. He now also acts like he could careless about me and what happens in our relationship and every time I try to talk to him about it he just tells me to shut up and that I am annoying but he says he loves me and wants to be with me so what is the reason for that? Could he just be in this relationship because he is waiting for something else to come along? I really need some advice I am stressing myself to the point where I feel anxious all the time and I cannot mentally and emotionally handle it anymore.

Dear anonymous, 

I have been threw something very similar to what you are going threw, almost every woman in this world unfortantly will. In your case something big I saw was the your always together, maybe some space could kill the tension. But if he doesn't change sooner or later, I know you don't want to hear this, but the relationship can not go very far. In marriage you together for years, if nine months ends his ways of feelings, who knows what two years will do! I am sorry. 

If I help please suggest me to friends,

Kaitlyn ♥

2 years later....

Dear Kaitlyn,

So people tell me that you get over a broken heart in time.

But It has been 2 years since I broke up with my ex boyfriend who I was with for 2 and a half years and I still think about him everyday.

We had a very strong connection and happy relationship.

I broke up with him because he was getting too serious too quickly and I was only young then, I was 17 when he said he wanted to marry me, which scared the absolute hell out of me.

So I ran. I pushed him away because I didn’t know how to deal with us being so serious.

I tore him to pieces and he was so upset. I broke his heart.

When I tried to leave him he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he was determined to stay with me, which just pushed me away more.

He would sit out the front of my house all upset, talking to my mum and beeping his car horn trying to get me to go out there to him, message me every five minutes.

This went on for a good six months.

I did things trying to turn him away from me like kiss other boys. But he didn’t care; he just wanted to be with me.

So as terrible as it sounds, I had to do something that would turn him away from me as he was hurting himself, I could see it in his face.

So I hooked up with his ‘best mate’ who isn’t a very nice person.

And that’s when my phone blew up with messages from his family and friends telling me to stay away from him and I’m a terrible person and I’m not welcome anymore.  

In their eyes, I had left my ex for his mate. Which is not what happened at all. But I understand how It is seen that way.

I didn’t like his friend, I loved my ex still, and as much as it killed me to hurt him I had to help him move on and at the time I knew it was wrong but I felt that was the only way I could get him to let go.

Which he didn’t.

He forgave me.

He still stuck around,

So I stayed with his friend, we dated for a while. I think it was almost 18 months, which killed me. Because he was the worst person and really brought me down.

My ex eventually found another girl and seemed happy.

So I broke up with his friend and was starting to pick myself back up and be happy again. and move on. But still couldnt get the face of my ex out of my mind.

Then the other day…

I found out that my ‘ex’ had broken up with his ‘new’ girlfriend because he didn’t love her…

Coincidently, I saw him on the Friday night and he gave me a warm kiss hello on the cheek. Then that night he texted me and asked how I was and such. He haddnt spoken to me in almost a year.

It felt so good to talk to him again…

He messaged me briefly Saturday night and Sunday night.

It’s now Tuesday.

And I’m conflicted.

I need your help.

What do I do?

I still love him.

He seems less obsessive now, he isn’t texting me uncontrollably, they are short sweet ‘how you going’ messages.

He isn’t jumping straight into questions like ‘let’s hang out!’

Is it possible we could start as friends again?

After all our history and the way I feel now, is it a good idea?

His mum does not want me around, and he has not told her he is talking to me as I know she wouldn’t recommend it. She only knows a one sided story to what I did and does not trust me at all. Understandably. Plus she is in love with his girlfriend he just broke up with. So right now I look like the devil.

But looking at his face on Friday just killed me. I wanted to give him a big hug and tell him how much I missed him.

But I know I can’t do anything. I’m the bad guy.

Could he forgive me?

Could we try again?

Would his family ever let me back in?

Now that my chance has come up to even talk to him again, I don’t want to miss out.

There must be a reason I have never been able to get over him.

What do I do?

Love,

Heartbreaker.

Dear Heartbreaker,

I think there is a huge chance this relationship could work out! I think if you explain what happed the first time, why you didn't think it could work he will understand. He will forgive you I think, if you just explain why it didn't, so he can see from your point of view. Trying again is a amazing idea! I think you haven't been able to give up on him because of the fact that you guys seemed so close! Defintally tell him what happed and you still feel for him. As far as his family, if he lets you back in, they will see that you don't mean any harm, they will see you love each other. After you guys have dated a while, its getting serious, ask his mom to maybe lunch or coffee and explain to her as well why you didn't think it would work the first time. 

I hope it all works out and this helps, 

if it did suggest me to friends, 

Kaitlyn ♥

Online as someone else

Dear Kaitlyn:

 

I am 19 years old and I've been texting this girl back and forth for the past week now. She gave me her number on myspace. On myspace I've been using my best friend's profile. We switched myspace profiles to talk to each other's friends. Now I remember going through a list of students attending my college, and that's when I saw her profile. I thought she was cute so I sent her a friend request (on my profile). Now I don't look good in pictures so I immediately canceled my friend request; I decided to send her a request on my best friend's profile. Days went by and she accepted. I thanked her for her accepting and that was that. She didn't say anything and neither did I. I didn't think much of it so I decided to not talk to her. One month later she commented one of my best friend's picture. I thanked her and commented one of her's. She then began to talk to me on myspace. Just last week she gave me her number because she said I was funny. We've been getting to know each other and to our surprise we have a lot in common. :) We were both (especially me) surprised just how much we can relate and what not, because after all, we're strangers. We've been saying we should meet but I always say we should wait just a little bit longer. I really want to meet her, get to know her in person, and take her out to a movie but how am I supposed to do this if she doesn't know who I really am? I want to tell her the truth: that I'm not the guy in the pictures. Everything else I've said about me is the truth the only thing I lied to her about was my name and that I'm the guy in the pictures. I did give her my real name but said it was my middle name. It actually is my middle name. She doesn't know my first. I've told her a lot about myself and so has she. She has said she likes my personality and how I can make her laugh. So what should I do? Besides the obvious tell her the truth. What else can I say? How do you think she'll react? How should I go about telling her the truth? I really wish she knew it was me I'd send her a picture of me but I don't look good in pictures. I feel like an asshole. I'd never thought I'd do such a thing to a girl. Thanks in advance.

 

Sincerely,

The lier :(

Dear the liar,

If this girl is as nice as she seems to be to you, I think she does deserve the truth. You can say "I have been telling you the truth about everything but one thing. I am not the guy you see in these pictures, I am on my best friends profile. We switched so we could get to know new people, I saw you went to my college and I didn't want you to see my pictures because I felt that they aren't the best looking. My name is ________ and I would love to get to know you as me. I am sorry for not telling you sooner, it's I really wanted to talk to you!" If she is like me I think hearing you thought she was cute and you wanted to get to know her she will understand. Your not a liar! Don't think that!   

hope it helps,

Kaitlyn

Friendship Problems

Dear Kaitlyn
Basically i was best friends with this girl and we kind of split apart. People said she used me and things and i believed them and even my mum went of her because she changed. Now we arent as friendly but she has been saying really mean things about me behind her back. Ive been told she has and she also takes all my friends away from me and copies me. I know i shouldnt have done this but i went on her account and read her emails and she said really mean stuff about me to one of my old friends(a friend she took of me) and was saying i used her and i go in moods with her and she doesnt get me. Also she listened to me about something and then put i dont know why i did. She carried on being mean and put she thinks i forgot about her and i dont bother with her. She was basically saying mean things about me and turning it the other way round making it look my fault. She also said things to other people.I dont like whats she changed into, a bitchy person and someone who isnt a good friends yes i know i shouldnt of hacked her but if i didnt and we became friends i would of been friends with a girl who bitched and said mean things about me and pretened nothing happened. What should i do? or what should i say? I dont really want to loose her.
Helpp:( x


Dear Friendship Problems, 

Every girl meets someone who we think is are best friend but can really be the opposite. I have had this happen to me quite a few times, she is probley jealous or trying to get your attention! I know that probley sounds crazy but it's the truth. She probley doesn't want to lose you either! You sound like you have been friends for a while, and maybe you can say to her "I know you are growing up and sometimes that causes people to change, but when you change you can still be my friend. We can have more than one friend but I would like to stay yours too. And people have been telling me that you are talking about me, if it is not true then thats fine but if it is please stop, because I do respect are friend ship." You don't want to say you know she was because you saw it because that will end your friendship if she knows you hacked her account! 

I hope this helps, love,

Kaitlyn